Cry me a river?

It seems strange to say you can't cry. You laugh and think of Cameroon Diaz in the holiday but seriously being desensitized is something that happens. Haven't you ever laughed at something which was so not funny like your grandmas funeral and then been like shit how could I laugh? When the truth is all you want to do is cry. Sometimes its like you want to cry so bad but you just can't make the tears come out. Thats why so many people self harm because all of that pain inside of them eats away and no one sees it but it has no release. Its a way to know your still here still alive. If I don't feel am I not here? There is a masacistic pleasure to it as you watch the blood like rivers flow over you. Its like an ecstasy like a high that only drugs would give you and the relief is unbelievable. Its funny how it doesn't hurt but its like a thousand tears and each stroke is like a scream of relief. A purging of emotions that sets you free in so many ways. So many times I have closed my eyes and seen the blood surround me but its beautiful its at peace with me and myself. These are my tears. I used to believe that this was okay. Just a contradiction to social norms but nothing wrong. I used to convince myself that I should hide the scars not from shame but because they wouldn't understand. But we should know better than this because the mind can't lie to the mind. Its a truth I have to live with that my tears are of blood and not water. It doesn't make it right but now I wear my scars proudly like war wounds each one tells a story has a memory that I can't forget, that I won't forget, but everyday passes and a new one comes instead always different. We must believe in our pain and not supress it. I love all you men out there who cry at romantic movies and all you women who are loud and proud. Society has allowed us to become to become emotional zombies and thats why we are so afraid to be who we are to laugh or cry or love our way and nobody elses. But you know what I was diagnosed with bipolars a year ago and I am proud coz its who I am episodes and all. And lets face it everyone has a little crazy in them.

Freedom to.... go to jail?

I would bother to explain why I havn't been around for a while but since no one reads my blog anyway I don't really have anyone to apologise to. Its strange how much freedom has come to mean in the world today. Freedom of speech is a right that people all over the world have fought for and fight even harder to protect and keep. In a country where the constitution supposedly allows people the right to express their opinion, why is it that whenever they do they either end up in jail or disappear altogether. In general the rule for preventing or censoring freedom of speech is where it is likely to incite violence or under the Emergency Laws is a threat to national security what I can't understand and not mentioning any names because I am sure you all know who I mean, is how a blogger can get four years for defaming religion. In the first place it seems wierd to me that anyone could judge what defamation of religion is except God. Secondly, one of the realities of freedom of speech is that some opinions that not everyone likes are likely to come out because people have the freedom to express themselves. Simply faith needs to be put into society to be able to understand and make informed decisions based on the information they are given. Even more important is the fact that freedom protects people from having religion forced upon them if one person does not believe in that religion why shouldn't they be allowed to express that opinion. Yes some people will be up in arms about the sataners defaming their religion, but if you want freedom you have to go all the way. What makes it so ridiculous to me is the fact that any true believer of any religion would not be shaken for a second by any comments that anyone said about their religion. I am a Muslim and have nothing against Muslims at all but I have to wonder why none of the sheikhs who sit on TV defaming christianity everyday never end up on trial for defamation of religion. Does that mean it only applies to Islam and its a different standard for all other religions? Are other religions less? For a country that claims to be secular, its confusing enough that our constitution tells us the main source of law is Islam..........if your confused me to. So are we secular or Islamic? and will that make a difference or will our freedom send us to jail secular or Islamic?